wow. 

thanksgiving dinner w/ the austrailians and irish turned out to be:
   1) grand dinner
   2) april fell asleep (a bit of wine, we also had, and a bit of smoke) round 11.30
   3) strip poker w/ ashley, michael, fiddler (just met im tonight), & dec
   4) naked spin the bottle truth or dare
   5) round 5 am april wakes up, comes out
   6) shortly after that she (of course) wants to join our naked party & dec FLIPS OUT, says FUCK YOU to us all & goes into the bedroom
   7) also takes his phone when we ask for a number to call a cab. 


i've also got glenn's hot blue jacket til tuesday
what a fucking night it was. 
now it's after 6 and i am somewhat fucking exhausted. 

had beautiful dream last night in which zac was doing films w/ jake gyllanhaal, who was in turn his new step brother b/c his dad married zac's mom (maggie was no where to be found)
they were wearing red steve zissou suits and big smiles while i did laps around the pool hoping to run into zac.  he sent letters, however, saying he couldn't wait to see me. 

short chris convo today, to make me sad, and one w/ ma when i was drunk.  nice. 
broke out the red leg warmers tonight. 
quite a few confessions

one of my favorite wild kitties is resting outside in the car park (beautiful markings)

good.

night.

i am a large piece of shit
turning into someone~
who does no work
and loves no (every)
one and i definitely
NO MATTER WHAT
hate you.

talking to you
holding hands
watching tv
making love
taking warm showers
fixing yr dinner
playing w/ kittens
getting hi
getting drunk
playing cards
going camping
going to the grocery store
hiding cookies from each other
playing hookie to go to ihop
telling jokes
watching porn
lighting candles
hating lew's

it is not the
i am not the
it is all the
              same.

fiddle me this...  ireland is ireland is new & different & the same as always only let's add three new roommates, one who asked me to sell her pot in the same breath as telling me her name and calling me by the wrong one.  the girls & i went out friday for a roar, came home & got stoned on the last bit of ganja i had left.  the roommate, her beau & their ridiculous friend came home & my friends left me to be questioned by the friend (are you the one who smokes?  you look like it.  i saw you today in the rainbow outfit.  oh my god yr not a lesbian are you?  OH MY GOD I DON'T HAVE ANY LESBIAN FRIENDS!  so what's it like to be high?  what's absinthe?  who're the other roommates?  why do you have yr nose pierced there?) & insulted by the roommate & the boyfriend (i never met a stoner who didn't share, but whatever!  you LOOK like you would say that/ do that/ like that).  i totally freaked out & locked myself in my room.  i don't know how i'm going to approach this situation, but she & i haven't been in the same room since (however, i found out that she's already cheated on the bf since she's been here which i think is totally interesting & will be fun to use in the future).

classes! 
fuck em. but i'm taking:
literature in the age of chivalry
traditional irish fiddle
experimentalism, minimalism, & the new hearing
sociology of death, dying & bereavement
myth and history
 
                        this may change by next week, that's when final registration is.  i don't really know what credits hollins is going to give me & i don't know if i can get into sociology.  so we shall see.

hanging out w/ this girl named ala, from poland.  the hash and dreads and beads are plentiful & it's a beautiful day.
i get a cold every week & really honestly truly i'm dying w/o chris, i need him so badly and feel very confused sometimes...  i liked making joint decisions!  i'm sleeping by myself here, in a tiny bed that feels 2 feet too wide!!!  how ridiculous is that?!  my body doesn't even register to me sometimes.

smallest of updates:

we bou't a big beautiful bong named ariel.  are looking for a fern named bertha.
maisy, the cat who's having kittens-we're gonna have chris's parents save one of them, & when chris looks for his one bedroom apt (that i'll be moving into when i return from ireland-most likely), he'll get one that allows pets!  horrah!
i cannot stop myself from fighting with my mother & one day i will feel even more guilty. 
possibly found another serving job, job w/ dru seems to be working out lovely as well. 
i made a shit load of money last night at work while also almost killing half of the staff & expecting my head to explode. 
we are out of cookies & bottled water:( 
we play poker w/ nudie cards!!!
i am the queen of procrastination. 

ooops, laundry to do.

sorry to be out of commission so long.  guess things will be this way all summer, unless i check my email @ a library every once in a while.  which may happen.  chris, lil & i are all moved in to our apt.  it's lots of fun, we've been hiiii all summer so far & chris & i tripped on monday.  i just bought some A today.  so i am ready to enjoy life.  looking for another job, etc.  anyway, my email is swalker@hollins.edu for anyone who wants to get in touch w/ me.  email me if you want/need my cell number.  let me think of anything else that's exciting...
-maguire got married!
-i am way in love w/ chris & really love living w/ him
-i am MEETING the violent femmes in about a month & seeing modest mouse this month
-chris's cat is preggers!  i love tiny kittens, except for right now (as i am terribly allergic to cats) i can barely see (also stoned) & cannot breathe. 
-lew's has been fun lately. 
- o yeah, i am in roanoke all summer, so get in touch & chill at our sketchy apt!!!

so exams are finally fucking over. 

now it's time to start cleaning, packing, etc.  i move into my apt this sunday!!!  holy shit.  anything-but-clothes party friday, & i'm actually off!!!  i am way happy in my relationship.  he treats me really well, shows me love every day, makes me laugh, touches me soft.  cotillion was a lot of fucking fun.  we danced, or i danced & chris is very goofy and funny, & we had a great time.  i got another andrew bird cd last night.  it's all squirrel nut zipper-y, zoot suit, & i was sooooooooooooo stoned & we danced here in the room around midnight until we fell down. 
i'm looking for another job, i'm so fucking in debt right now & i have so much to pay for & buy before i go to ireland. 
over the horizon:
-job
-maguire's wedding
-bob dylan/willie nelson
-floyd fest w/ ani!!!
-pay off car
-keep the green

-CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN

hope everyone had a good exam week. 
now are you ready for senior week?!

TONIGHT:  cotillion!!!  i'm sooooo excited!!!  gonna be gorgeous!!!  & w/ my baby!!!  in a limo!!!

ok, now that that's over....

now:  buying breakfast biscuits/trying to wake up for work. 

too much going on. 

too much school work.
                       i am two seconds away from dying
                                   almost ready to hang myself by my words
                                    and all class presentations can go to hell.

too much shit to worry about for ireland.
                       money passport money classes money packing
                       money money money money money money

and i never have time for any of it. 
in w&sm today we talked about:
            does being busy make you feel impt?  
            I AM NOT IMPT I AM NOT IMPT I AM NOT IMPT
                                                                           then why am i so busy?

i've been soooooo ridiculously busy doing/not doing:
-wonderful beautiful hike to an amazing gorgeous waterfall in shawsville on sunday
                 -HUGE SINUS INFECTION b/c of my love for nature
-working (of course)
-papers upon papers upon so many many more papers still due
-i cannot believe how many final projects i have coming up...  never again will i be taking 22 credits, never again.
-tons of paperwork for cork
                -very excited (i will have several visitors during my stay-one in particular i want more than others of course)
-have found a wonderful apt for the summer 5 miles away
                -(i have yet to see it, but am sure it's wonderful)
-JUST did my fafsa today
-yesterday my car wouldn't start.  after lots of fucking around, & no jumper cables would work, my dad said he'd come up today to fix it (we assumed it was the starter b/c of the clicking & b/c it wouldn't jump). 
               -well of course as soon as he got here he tightened one bolt w/ one rachet (i guess that's what it was) & the fucker started right up.  horray for not having to pay a hell of a lot of money, but what a waste of 3 hours driving...
-STILL HAVE NOT DONE MY STATE TAXES!!!
-i'm completely broke
-i really want to wear something wonderful for cotillion, which i'm insanely excited about b/c
-i have the greatest ever boyfriend who REMEMBERED our one month anniversary & bro't me flowers & totally surprised me
             -i know, i know, i'm gushing like such a dork.  please allow me to, it's been forever since i've been so happy. 
-this sunday will be movie & sushi sunday.  horray for sundays!!!
-HORRAY FOR SUMMER!!!

i just hope i can make it that long.

i know someone
who is acting like a child
& is hiding from speaking to me
b/c i always win
& just so you know
knowing a little about women's lib
& then breaking off a non-existent relationship
to be with someone i actually care about
is not hypocrisy
is not a shallow stupid girl
is only the right thing to do.

take a chill pill.
o. 
& shut up.