distance comes in droves

willowphairie @ 2005-11-27T01:05:00

2005-11-27T06:13:29Z

wow.

thanksgiving dinner w/ the austrailians and irish turned out to be:
   1) grand dinner
   2) april fell asleep (a bit of wine, we also had, and a bit of smoke) round 11.30
   3) strip poker w/ ashley, michael, fiddler (just met im tonight), & dec
   4) naked spin the bottle truth or dare
   5) round 5 am april wakes up, comes out
   6) shortly after that she (of course) wants to join our naked party & dec FLIPS OUT, says FUCK YOU to us all & goes into the bedroom
   7) also takes his phone when we ask for a number to call a cab.

i've also got glenn's hot blue jacket til tuesday
what a fucking night it was.
now it's after 6 and i am somewhat fucking exhausted.

had beautiful dream last night in which zac was doing films w/ jake gyllanhaal, who was in turn his new step brother b/c his dad married zac's mom (maggie was no where to be found)
they were wearing red steve zissou suits and big smiles while i did laps around the pool hoping to run into zac. he sent letters, however, saying he couldn't wait to see me.

short chris convo today, to make me sad, and one w/ ma when i was drunk. nice.
broke out the red leg warmers tonight.
quite a few confessions

one of my favorite wild kitties is resting outside in the car park (beautiful markings)

good.

night.

willowphairie @ 2005-10-26T01:43:00

2005-10-26T00:41:21Z

i am a large piece of shit
turning into someone~
who does no work
and loves no (every)
one and i definitely
NO MATTER WHAT
hate you.

willowphairie @ 2005-09-30T14:19:00

2005-09-30T19:36:47Z

talking to you
holding hands
watching tv
making love
taking warm showers
fixing yr dinner
playing w/ kittens
getting hi
getting drunk
playing cards
going camping
going to the grocery store
hiding cookies from each other
playing hookie to go to ihop
telling jokes
watching porn
lighting candles
hating lew's

it is not the
i am not the
it is all the
same.

willowphairie @ 2005-09-27T10:03:00

2005-09-27T14:36:19Z

fiddle me this... ireland is ireland is new & different & the same as always only let's add three new roommates, one who asked me to sell her pot in the same breath as telling me her name and calling me by the wrong one. the girls & i went out friday for a roar, came home & got stoned on the last bit of ganja i had left. the roommate, her beau & their ridiculous friend came home & my friends left me to be questioned by the friend (are you the one who smokes? you look like it. i saw you today in the rainbow outfit. oh my god yr not a lesbian are you? OH MY GOD I DON'T HAVE ANY LESBIAN FRIENDS! so what's it like to be high? what's absinthe? who're the other roommates? why do you have yr nose pierced there?) & insulted by the roommate & the boyfriend (i never met a stoner who didn't share, but whatever! you LOOK like you would say that/ do that/ like that). i totally freaked out & locked myself in my room. i don't know how i'm going to approach this situation, but she & i haven't been in the same room since (however, i found out that she's already cheated on the bf since she's been here which i think is totally interesting & will be fun to use in the future).

classes!
fuck em. but i'm taking:
literature in the age of chivalry
traditional irish fiddle
experimentalism, minimalism, & the new hearing
sociology of death, dying & bereavement
myth and history

this may change by next week, that's when final registration is. i don't really know what credits hollins is going to give me & i don't know if i can get into sociology. so we shall see.

hanging out w/ this girl named ala, from poland. the hash and dreads and beads are plentiful & it's a beautiful day.
i get a cold every week & really honestly truly i'm dying w/o chris, i need him so badly and feel very confused sometimes... i liked making joint decisions! i'm sleeping by myself here, in a tiny bed that feels 2 feet too wide!!! how ridiculous is that?! my body doesn't even register to me sometimes.

willowphairie @ 2005-09-11T20:25:00

2005-09-11T19:25:07Z

i can't save space but i conserve energy. clothes take 2 hours to wash, 4 hours to dry. before i left & when i came back, those were the two best showers here, but nothing like home, cause they're by myself. we don't even smell the same any more. his voice, oceans away, rings in more truthfully than i ever could. new living arrangements in the process for the return, a bed like home where we can make love and laugh. i haven't decided "HOME." our children will play gaelic football & hurling. we will play mario bros. i can't take enough pictures to satisfy you or me or them or us. there's no tomorrow, cos they're so far away. there's no yesterday cos i'm just waiting to return. don't wish it away, they say, & i don't, but there's no love here and lonliness comes often and deeply. internet cafes are not for the weak of heart.

willowphairie @ 2005-09-01T14:20:00

2005-09-01T19:34:14Z

so, here's a miniature update:
ireland is so totally amazing. i may end up living here in the next few years. i live right in the middle of the city, close to everything i could possibly ever want. i'm hanging out w/ some rockin hollins girls & have, of course, found my way around to some sweet ass irish boys, some strange lithuanian men who live below me & random street folk. class is pretty sweet. i guess. for class you know. i live w/ a guy, brian, who's very nice, he just hooked up w/ some random girl from class, so that's totally hilarious. we're expecting three other flatmates by the fifteenth, but i've got a room to myself. it's comfy & smells like the amazing incense chris got me before i left.
we talk every night, but it's totally difficult w/o him here. i'd enjoy the city in an entirely different way if he were here. our last days (and nights:) were wonderful tho, we saw the season finale of six feet under and cried for about an hour over it. we took nudie pictures for two weeks before i left w/ a poloroid & they keep the late nights "do-able" you might say. anyway, i hope everyone is getting comfortable w/ whatever it may be you're starting, or ending, or whatever. i hope to keep you posted on this crazy journey. love and an adorable glass bowl, danielle

willowphairie @ 2005-08-28T16:01:00

2005-08-28T14:59:52Z

ok, well. i'm in ireland now, to all who care. i think the last time i updated was early summer & i've definitely NOT kept tabs on anyone, not b/c i don't care, but b/c the internet is sooooooo far away. anyway, i'll try to update more. in any case, some of you out there know where i'm at & what i'm doing but don't know my addy. it's :
apt 13, leeside apts.
grattan street
cork, ireland

if you send packages, send diet coke, ramen noodles & water. ALL PACKAGES MUST FOLLOW THE GUIDELINES FOUND @: www.revenue.ie/pdf/pn1878.pdf. if not, they'll be HIGHLY taxed & i probably won't have the $ to pick them up. hope everyone is enjoying life, school, drugs & lovers. as always, danielle.

yeah, i might

2005-06-20T21:09:48Z

01. Reply with your name (or whatever) and I will write something I like about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
03. if I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
08. put this in your journal.

willowphairie @ 2005-06-10T11:14:00

2005-06-10T15:19:31Z

smallest of updates:

we bou't a big beautiful bong named ariel. are looking for a fern named bertha.
maisy, the cat who's having kittens-we're gonna have chris's parents save one of them, & when chris looks for his one bedroom apt (that i'll be moving into when i return from ireland-most likely), he'll get one that allows pets! horrah!
i cannot stop myself from fighting with my mother & one day i will feel even more guilty.
possibly found another serving job, job w/ dru seems to be working out lovely as well.
i made a shit load of money last night at work while also almost killing half of the staff & expecting my head to explode.
we are out of cookies & bottled water:(
we play poker w/ nudie cards!!!
i am the queen of procrastination.

ooops, laundry to do.

willowphairie @ 2005-06-05T16:26:00

2005-06-05T20:30:09Z

sorry to be out of commission so long. guess things will be this way all summer, unless i check my email @ a library every once in a while. which may happen. chris, lil & i are all moved in to our apt. it's lots of fun, we've been hiiii all summer so far & chris & i tripped on monday. i just bought some A today. so i am ready to enjoy life. looking for another job, etc. anyway, my email is swalker@hollins.edu for anyone who wants to get in touch w/ me. email me if you want/need my cell number. let me think of anything else that's exciting...
-maguire got married!
-i am way in love w/ chris & really love living w/ him
-i am MEETING the violent femmes in about a month & seeing modest mouse this month
-chris's cat is preggers! i love tiny kittens, except for right now (as i am terribly allergic to cats) i can barely see (also stoned) & cannot breathe.
-lew's has been fun lately.
- o yeah, i am in roanoke all summer, so get in touch & chill at our sketchy apt!!!

in other news...

2005-05-19T13:46:01Z

star wars episode 3 is the SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

big news: what once was 2 now is 3---chris is moving in w/ me & lil for good, paying expenses, etc. so instead of being the dead beat bf who sleeps over & does nothing, we've got him paying us to stay there:)
first apt.
is really really really overwhelming.
so much to do.

SO. MUCH. TO. DO.

sunday's the day. we're gonna make it happen.

willowphairie @ 2005-05-16T18:47:00

2005-05-16T22:59:32Z

so exams are finally fucking over.

now it's time to start cleaning, packing, etc. i move into my apt this sunday!!! holy shit. anything-but-clothes party friday, & i'm actually off!!! i am way happy in my relationship. he treats me really well, shows me love every day, makes me laugh, touches me soft. cotillion was a lot of fucking fun. we danced, or i danced & chris is very goofy and funny, & we had a great time. i got another andrew bird cd last night. it's all squirrel nut zipper-y, zoot suit, & i was sooooooooooooo stoned & we danced here in the room around midnight until we fell down.
i'm looking for another job, i'm so fucking in debt right now & i have so much to pay for & buy before i go to ireland.
over the horizon:
-job
-maguire's wedding
-bob dylan/willie nelson
-floyd fest w/ ani!!!
-pay off car
-keep the green

-CLEAN CLEAN CLEAN

hope everyone had a good exam week.
now are you ready for senior week?!

willowphairie @ 2005-05-07T10:40:00

2005-05-07T14:42:56Z

TONIGHT: cotillion!!! i'm sooooo excited!!! gonna be gorgeous!!! & w/ my baby!!! in a limo!!!

ok, now that that's over....

now: buying breakfast biscuits/trying to wake up for work.

willowphairie @ 2005-05-04T21:15:00

2005-05-05T01:20:19Z

too much going on.

too much school work.
                       i am two seconds away from dying
                                   almost ready to hang myself by my words
                                    and all class presentations can go to hell.

too much shit to worry about for ireland.
money passport money classes money packing
money money money money money money

and i never have time for any of it.
in w&sm today we talked about:
            does being busy make you feel impt?
            I AM NOT IMPT I AM NOT IMPT I AM NOT IMPT
                                                                           then why am i so busy?

willowphairie @ 2005-04-30T00:05:00

2005-04-30T04:06:56Z

we have decided to document the most amazingest sex ever!!!

willowphairie @ 2005-04-23T10:43:00

2005-04-23T14:45:17Z

sometimes things happen & i don't even know what to do.
sometimes things happen & i feel very lost and alone.

i allow myself to be put in these situations
because i am
weak
weak
weak
weak
( walk away )

willowphairie @ 2005-04-19T10:07:00

2005-04-19T14:12:56Z

1) my paper for gender & globalization mysteriously disappeared from my computer b/t 2-8 am. rock.
2) end of semester in <one month. got a badass apt for the summer & am terribly scared at the work load i must finish by then.
p.s. FUCK PACKING/MOVING.
3) i'm totally attached.
4) cotillion, senior-sophomore banquet, arts fest
here i come.

today i feel sick like i might vomit everywhere for no reason. or maybe for all of these reasons.

o yes, i know i've neglected you lj

2005-04-15T04:49:30Z

i've been soooooo ridiculously busy doing/not doing:
-wonderful beautiful hike to an amazing gorgeous waterfall in shawsville on sunday
                 -HUGE SINUS INFECTION b/c of my love for nature
-working (of course)
-papers upon papers upon so many many more papers still due
-i cannot believe how many final projects i have coming up... never again will i be taking 22 credits, never again.
-tons of paperwork for cork
                -very excited (i will have several visitors during my stay-one in particular i want more than others of course)
-have found a wonderful apt for the summer 5 miles away
                -(i have yet to see it, but am sure it's wonderful)
-JUST did my fafsa today
-yesterday my car wouldn't start. after lots of fucking around, & no jumper cables would work, my dad said he'd come up today to fix it (we assumed it was the starter b/c of the clicking & b/c it wouldn't jump).
               -well of course as soon as he got here he tightened one bolt w/ one rachet (i guess that's what it was) & the fucker started right up. horray for not having to pay a hell of a lot of money, but what a waste of 3 hours driving...
-STILL HAVE NOT DONE MY STATE TAXES!!!
-i'm completely broke
-i really want to wear something wonderful for cotillion, which i'm insanely excited about b/c
-i have the greatest ever boyfriend who REMEMBERED our one month anniversary & bro't me flowers & totally surprised me
             -i know, i know, i'm gushing like such a dork. please allow me to, it's been forever since i've been so happy.
-this sunday will be movie & sushi sunday. horray for sundays!!!
-HORRAY FOR SUMMER!!!

i just hope i can make it that long.

willowphairie @ 2005-03-22T00:51:00

2005-03-22T05:52:51Z

as exciting as my first lj drama has been,
i'm over it's novelty.
friends only from now on
so strangers and assholes won't know
what i think about them.

willowphairie @ 2005-03-19T18:25:00

2005-03-19T23:27:55Z

i know someone
who is acting like a child
& is hiding from speaking to me
b/c i always win
& just so you know
knowing a little about women's lib
& then breaking off a non-existent relationship
to be with someone i actually care about
is not hypocrisy
is not a shallow stupid girl
is only the right thing to do.

take a chill pill.
o.
& shut up.

willowphairie @ 2005-03-19T02:45:00

2005-03-19T07:46:27Z

my week just gets better
& better. there is nothing
as wonderful as sleeping
beside someone who means the world
to you. over & over & over.

willowphairie @ 2005-03-16T15:25:00

2005-03-16T20:27:17Z

so.
something good has happened.
and i couldn't be happier.

willowphairie @ 2005-03-15T16:13:00

2005-03-15T21:21:28Z

today i was part of an intervention.
& by that i mean that someone felt
it was necessary to intervene on my behalf.
maguire told me that i am going down
down
downhill at a rapid pace.
b/c i smoke pot
(which i have done since i was pretty young)
b/c sunday when i saw her
i was tripping
(which i have also done since i was pretty young
AND this is the first time i've done it
since thanksgiving)
she is terribly worried b/c i might
be sleeping in my car over spring break
which is not
i repeat
is not
a big deal. it's a fucking car
for christ's sake.
& i don't believe in god
(which i have believed since i was a kid)
she says my friends are trash
are doing nothing with their life,
& i'd like to point out that last week
she met TWO of them
for the first time since i've hung out
with these people.
i'd also like to point out
that almost ALL of my friends
have been stoners for FOREVER.
she says i have
"SO MUCH TO GIVE"
and i would like to see it.
i actually DON'T have anything
to offer, except i make a good waitress
which is really just prostitution.
i shy away from answering questions
in class b/c i'm terrified i'm wrong
the things i write are nonsense
and stupid and few people care
to read it. maguire has hardly read
anything i've ever written. what does she
know. my depression
is my problem, maybe i need different medicine
and maybe it's all just bullshit
but when i feel like i need an intervention
i'll let you know.

the kind of rambling i need to get off my chest RIGHT NOW

2005-03-14T19:07:00Z

as for the weekend:
WHOA.

as for everything else:
this is what i'm wondering,
and these are the things i see
because today i looked at myself
for the first time in forever
most of the red
has left my face
and has traveled down my leg
for every one to see
(i say this knowing)
no one has seen
but there will always be constant reminders
of how many times i've fucked up
by the length and width
and inches of pain
i see when i look at myself.

willowphairie @ 2005-03-11T01:47:00

2005-03-11T06:49:16Z

i have this many secrets.
i don't know what to do w/ them all.